MR Lalu
“Do not yell, please.”
Every child, in silent response to parental verbal aggression, seems to be uttering this plea within. Yelling has become almost natural in many families, where the decibel level of daily communication is rarely examined. But what happens when this noise is belligerently directed at children? Logically, sound beyond bearable perception is disturbing. Its effects are long-lasting and can considerably erode the morale of the person being yelled at.
At home or in school, frequent yelling at children under the pretext of discipline carries adverse consequences. It is not merely an undesired verbal outpouring; in many cases, it resembles arrows piercing the conscience of young minds. More than physical abuse, the intensity and aggression embedded in spoken words can tear through the emotional terrain of children.
Yelling, threatening, or at times humiliating verbal expressions, some studies suggest, are often employed by adults to achieve temporary compliance. However, the cumulative impact of such behavior gradually shapes the behavioral patterns of both the young and the old. Research reveals that children subjected to continuous verbal attacks by parents exhibit higher rates of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem in adulthood.
Many parents believe that harsh verbal discipline instills fear, and that fear is the key factor forcing an unruly child to fall in line. This is incorrect as many dangers follow this misconception. Scientists, however, report that repeated shouting can actually alter a child’s brain development. Notably, it is not always necessary for parents to shout directly at their children for harm to occur. A family environment marked by restless, unsettled, and aggressive communication among its members can itself negatively influence mental development.
A U.S. study involving over 3,000 parents and children revealed alarming behavioral patterns in families where communication remained loud and aggressive. Children from such backgrounds were later found to display extreme delinquency and unreasonable hostility. Frequent shouting, scientists note, is often a sign of low self-esteem and hopelessness. In family environments where yelling is common, it becomes normalized for both children and parents. In most cases, the underlying reasons that compel a person to become a habitual yeller within the family remain unnoticed.
Pausing in silence for a moment, or remaining watchful even for a few seconds, can dissipate the surge of anger before it finds expression in words. Yet, long before any conscious effort is made, the habitual outpouring of disheartening vocabulary toward the child often takes place. The effects of continuous yelling may appear temporary, but their true impact accumulates gradually, bit by bit.
Though yelling is universal across families, why does this problem appear so persistently in Indian households? Parenting in many homes tends to be authoritarian in nature. While parents are compassionate and deeply caring, they often create a psychological distance from their children, where a pathological anxiety about the child’s future takes root. The path charted for the child’s growth is frequently shaped by parental expectations and, at times, unconscious self-interest.
When a child makes even the slightest deviation from this predetermined framework, it triggers deep parental unease. Unknowingly, this leads parents to seek complete control over the child, if not through physical means, then through verbal dominance, where a harsh outcry is deemed sufficient.
The question remains, with pronounced depth: do the children of today unquestioningly absorb strict verbal intimidation by adults? The answer is not completely affirmative. Frequent yelling by adults instead pushes the family into a state of pathological distress. This occurs primarily because children possess a natural tendency to program their minds by imitating the adults around, absorbing not only the words that are uttered, but also the emotions behind them. The emotional charge of verbal aggression enters the child’s mental system. The fear inflicted through abusive language penetrates deeply and often resurfaces later with manifold intensity.
Families across societies must therefore begin cultivating conscious patterns of communication within the precincts of their own homes. Life, in its pursuit of understanding and resolve, is shaped by these patterns as they slowly develop into visible forms. Parents and elders stand at the beginning of this process, transforming the familial atmosphere into a force capable of shaping young minds.
To mobilize a small society called the family, though often assumed to be simple, requires the utmost care. A single outburst of disagreement or a raised voice can easily rupture the cord of unity within a household. Children imitate meticulously and in great detail. Parents, teachers, and society together form the periphery of this imitation, though the degree of influence may vary. Nevertheless, the initial responsibility of establishing healthy and effective communication within a family is collective.
Sometimes, parents need to discover the depth of voluntary silence. Its subtle power offers a decisive way to reduce the simmering negativity that is often overwhelmingly expressed through loud and volatile language. Incrementally, almost imperceptibly, children begin to imitate and learn. The speed at which ideas enter a child’s mind reflects the rhythm absorbed from the family environment. Optimists rightly observe that it is within these early patterns of communication that the grammar of life itself is first learned. So, don’t yell, please.
(Author is freelance journalist and social worker based in Kerala. The views expressed are personal opinion of the author.)
